This is real love

The other day I saw the most amazing picture. My pastor and his wife (pastor as well) were baptizing someone. We have all seen things like this before. Yet, this time it caught my eye. Why? They had such smiles on their face. They both had a hand raised to God. I noticed all those things but that is not what I saw. I saw two people who were married. Two people who do life together. Further to that, they work together.

            It might seem trivial that these two live together. Of course, they do, their married. Many couples probably travel together, work together, and spend time with each other. It’s nothing new. I have a pet peeve. It’s married men in ministry doing life together with God and church alone. Recently, I have been reading a book on the life of a great minister G Campbell Morgan. What I noticed in this book was the absence of his wife. She is given but a few passing trivial lines. I can’t say that about my pastor and his partner.

            I woke up the other day with a church song called “this is real love” blasting in my head. I had been bothered by the absence of Mrs. Morgan in that biography. I had been asking God why he allows a pastor to marry and then abandon his wife and children. I can’t understand why God is all about family and community, yet, his faithful servants must disregard the very thing God seems to promote. People say that God will provide for the family in their father’s absence. Its Gods will. I don’t buy it.

            I have spent a ton of time in the company of pastors. In private, every single man has confessed that they miss their family. Every single man has said that they made mistakes with their wife. I have heard it all. I know a pastor that brags about the ministry hours that he keeps. The flip side is other men. I know a man who spends extra time with his family. I know some other men who left the ministry to be with their kids. Yet, there is this tug and pull to and from God. Is that really the way it should be?

            Two things. One is Moses and divorce. Religious leaders in Jesus day believed in divorce as if it’s from God. Jesus told them that the only reason divorce happens is because of people’s hearts. God never wanted it that way. The second is the Bible writer Paul. He says it’s better to be single and do ministry. Why? It’s because if you have a wife then you will be divided between God and her. My point is that marriage was intended for a union of two. God never intended men to marry and then commit adultery with the church. God never intended ministry to be that way.

            Patrick, your pastor is lucky. His wife is a pastor too. I suppose that is true. Yet, why have so many men realized years later that they neglected their wives? Why have they admitted that they were called to ministry but their wives were never consulted. Good Christian wives are trying to be obedient to God and their husbands calling. Years later they frightfully realize it was not their calling. Many divorces happen. Far too many just remain unhappy and silent.

            My pastor is not alone. His wife is a big part of his life. I know of others. We promote doing life together in this church. That should above all else include the leaders. Far too many churches promote family, but expect their pastor to live a life a part from his wife. They even say a pastor must spend at-least ten percent more time in ministry that the average business man in the congregation. So, the minister is at church while the elders are at home with their family?

            This is a call to pastors and church leaders. God never intended men to marry their wives and commit adultery on them with a church. A wife marries to have a husband. Why does the husband then have two wives? Paul says then don’t get married. Yet, they still do. Why do wives wander? Why do pastor’s wander? It’s the lie so say absence makes the heart grow fonder. No, absence makes the heart wander. Who says G Campbell's ministry would not have been blessed with his wife’s help? Who says Billy Grahams ministry would not have exploded with his wife’s presence? We assume too much.

            What is real love? It’s doing life together. It’s hard to love a church without people in it. It’s even harder to love a family without the people in it. If we say God is love, then God loves what? Why did Jesus die at all if people are not loved? The Love of God on this earth is intended for people. Ministry leaders have ruined the good love of God by ignoring their family in the name of God. You’re by no means less of a man of God loving your wife and kids more than the church. If you want your love to be the church and Jesus. Then do as Paul says and don’t be so dam stupid and marry a girl just to make her a widow from the wedding night forward.

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