Geesh, family
I sit here trying to think over and over how I could have
fixed it? The real answer is there was no way. One side wanted to give in and
fix it. The other side had no compromise or give in relationship building. So,
here I sit a little sad because it’s over now. Peace has come to a bad
relationship. Here I sit devastated that I could not fix it.
It’s all about relationships. One side seems to be always
more invested. One side will try and fix it. One side will give in. then there
is the other side. They are always right. They want justice. They want you to
do what’s right. They want you to apologize. Of course, they want you to be
what they envision. Be the one who says their sorry. It seems we have abusers
and people who I call carpet people.
Who on earth are carpet people? We carpet people are
those willing to be walked on. We feel the need to give feet a comfortable
place to trod. It’s our job to give you the ability to get your way all the
time. We need to make it soft and easy to win. Carpet people clean up the
messes. They take responsibility. It’s about being plush and manageable. All trouble
in relationships land on soft carpet people.
What does God have to say about this? I think sometimes
Jesus gives us examples we ignore. Many fine church leaders think Jesus solved
family issues. He made the best friendships. Jesus compromised all the time.
Jesus gave in. Jesus was a carpet person. Yet here we have two incidents that
prove otherwise. The first is found in Matthew 12 and mark 3. Together they
give you an altogether different story.
It looks like Jesus is just saying to the crowd in
Matthew 12 that believers are his brothers and family. Yet, if you read Matthew
12 and Mark 3 together it might look different. Jesus says those words again in
Mark 3 about family, but his family and the authorities think he is nuts by his
preaching. What it means to me is Jesus had family issues. Jesus had people say
he was less than stellar. Jesus is really saying that friends and family are
either encouraging or negative. They are either with you or totally against
you.
My mom was complicated. My dad is a tricky relationship. My
brothers think I’m nuts. I guess I’m not far from Jesus. We have a beautiful pained
picture of Jesus as the model of relationships. We tend to be quiet and not
cause trouble so not to offend just like Jesus. Yet, Jesus was the exact
opposite. He told Peter he was Satan. He bashed the Pharisee’s in their own
house. He chastised Mary while she was cooking dinner. Nothing was simple or
politically correct with Jesus. Yet, we chastise others for not being correct,
soft spoken, and accommodating just like Jesus never was.
Picture all the disciples eating in the upper room. They don’t
see that it is the last supper with Jesus. Behind Jesus back, Judas has made a
deal with the religious authorities to kill him. Jesus looks Judas in the eye
and says “the one I’m dipping bread with will betray me.” If that’s not bad
enough, Jesus says to Judas further “do what you must and do it quickly.” Judas
leaves in the middle of dinner.
We ask abusers for mercy. We say were sorry to make
peace. We ask for understanding, clarification, and second chances. Jesus never
asked Judas to reconsider. He never pleaded. He never made room for
reconciliation. He did give Judas room to abuse further. I am sad my mom is
gone. I wish, as we all would, that I could have fixed it. Yet, here I am
driving to her home to pack her life up. I will do it with sadness, kindness,
and compassion. Yet, in the back of my mind is a nagging scar that will burn
forever. Crucify me for not only painting a wonderful picture of the family I care
for.
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