Listening 101
The
other day there was an incident. A friend of mine was talking to someone and
heard the wrong words. They became utterly incensed with what they heard. They paced
around and counted to one hundred, but in the end, they couldn’t shake the fact
that they were really mad. So mad in fact, that they began texting furiously their
frustration to their spouse. How dare someone say something like that to me. The
fingers flew feverously texting their vents. Then all hell broke loose with:
the incident.
As it was, my friend forgot listening
101. It’s the course that all of us take early on in life. I’m kidding, we all
learn to listen by failing 101. The first lesson is knowing the rules of a
conversation. Rule number 1 is: clarify what you have heard. You see, my friend
heard the conversation the wrong way. In reality there was nothing offensive
said. They also ignored the second rule: clarify who your texting. My irate friend
not only misread the conversation, but they texted a family Facebook chat instead
of their spouse.
I’m sure we have all been down this
road. I have texted the wrong person. The real problem is listening 101. It you
hear something horrible please check the source. That does not mean you say “I know
them and that’s good enough.” People make what is called Freudian slips. That’s
when your inner thoughts become outer thoughts by accident: it happens. The source
means you ask the people who said something bad what they meant. You never know
what people are thinking when they talk. Sometimes the words are taken wrong. Either
way, clarification is very important to avoid misunderstandings.
This one simple rule trumps all
others. Once you know the truth, then you can correctly evaluate your feelings.
My friend blew all four tires because they heard, evaluated, and exploded. The thought
that they heard it wrong never occurred to them. In reality it was a reversed Freudian
slip. They expected bad words from their friend and also believed in a twisted
truth before anything was said. Confusing, but that combo mixture helped them
text the wrong people.
What does God have to say about
communication? Interestingly enough, God makes an interesting statement that
many roll their eyes at. Matt 18:15-16 “If
your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you,
you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two
more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be
confirmed.” Do we ever bring a witness or ask for clarification when were
mad at something said?
I have heard those words by Jesus
many times. The incident the other day perked my ears. You know this is the
first time I could have used this statement. My friend should have clarified
what was said. They should have expressed their feelings about what they had
heard. If they had followed this simple process all would have been well. Instead
anger and misunderstanding forced the fingers on a text to react without the
facts.
People have opinions. People say
things in different ways. We all think differently. How on earth do we expect
to get understanding right all the time. The answer is we can’t. Talking and understanding
go hand in hand. If all you have is assumptions, preconceived notions, and your
opinion, that will breed trouble. Texting the wrong people is the least of your
problems. Can’t people talk and understand. If your friends, then maybe it’s no
big deal.
There it is in reality. I find we
really are not friends with people we, so willingly, take out of context. We assume
they will say something stupid. We already had an opinion before we asked. We certainly
have no problem throwing someone under the bus if were not friends. In reality,
if you treat your pears this way things will go badly quite often. How can someone
be friendly to people, but inside, you have ill will towards them. Communication
is based so much on how we feel. Maybe admitting how you feel before you speak
would save a lot of texting trouble.
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