Listening 101

          The other day there was an incident. A friend of mine was talking to someone and heard the wrong words. They became utterly incensed with what they heard. They paced around and counted to one hundred, but in the end, they couldn’t shake the fact that they were really mad. So mad in fact, that they began texting furiously their frustration to their spouse. How dare someone say something like that to me. The fingers flew feverously texting their vents. Then all hell broke loose with: the incident.
            As it was, my friend forgot listening 101. It’s the course that all of us take early on in life. I’m kidding, we all learn to listen by failing 101. The first lesson is knowing the rules of a conversation. Rule number 1 is: clarify what you have heard. You see, my friend heard the conversation the wrong way. In reality there was nothing offensive said. They also ignored the second rule: clarify who your texting. My irate friend not only misread the conversation, but they texted a family Facebook chat instead of their spouse.
            I’m sure we have all been down this road. I have texted the wrong person. The real problem is listening 101. It you hear something horrible please check the source. That does not mean you say “I know them and that’s good enough.” People make what is called Freudian slips. That’s when your inner thoughts become outer thoughts by accident: it happens. The source means you ask the people who said something bad what they meant. You never know what people are thinking when they talk. Sometimes the words are taken wrong. Either way, clarification is very important to avoid misunderstandings.
            This one simple rule trumps all others. Once you know the truth, then you can correctly evaluate your feelings. My friend blew all four tires because they heard, evaluated, and exploded. The thought that they heard it wrong never occurred to them. In reality it was a reversed Freudian slip. They expected bad words from their friend and also believed in a twisted truth before anything was said. Confusing, but that combo mixture helped them text the wrong people.
            What does God have to say about communication? Interestingly enough, God makes an interesting statement that many roll their eyes at. Matt 18:15-16 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.” Do we ever bring a witness or ask for clarification when were mad at something said?
            I have heard those words by Jesus many times. The incident the other day perked my ears. You know this is the first time I could have used this statement. My friend should have clarified what was said. They should have expressed their feelings about what they had heard. If they had followed this simple process all would have been well. Instead anger and misunderstanding forced the fingers on a text to react without the facts.
            People have opinions. People say things in different ways. We all think differently. How on earth do we expect to get understanding right all the time. The answer is we can’t. Talking and understanding go hand in hand. If all you have is assumptions, preconceived notions, and your opinion, that will breed trouble. Texting the wrong people is the least of your problems. Can’t people talk and understand. If your friends, then maybe it’s no big deal.

            There it is in reality. I find we really are not friends with people we, so willingly, take out of context. We assume they will say something stupid. We already had an opinion before we asked. We certainly have no problem throwing someone under the bus if were not friends. In reality, if you treat your pears this way things will go badly quite often. How can someone be friendly to people, but inside, you have ill will towards them. Communication is based so much on how we feel. Maybe admitting how you feel before you speak would save a lot of texting trouble.

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